Well, the snuffles grew into a cold so I came home midday and re-read Mama Mia (Mamamia?), and am now going back through her posts on the website, mamamia. And I do like that book. How can I find someone who became editor of Australian Cosmo at 24 so relatable? High achievers normally intimidate the hell out of me, and to put things into perspective, at 24 I was at 'librarian bottom rung' level. But no longer a library assistant!
But it was fun reading about her time at Cosmo, and I remember some of those issues - Sara-Marie and Kelly Osborne on the cover. I find myself wishing I'd kept more of those issues! (Obviously I need to read Clutter's last stand next). Why did I enjoy Cosmo so much at that time? I think it was her approach to body image that appealed. There were a big range of women featured in the mag, including a lot of non-models. That was the 'real women' aspect that appealed - perhaps 'ordinary' is a better description. Or maybe not. Sure a lot of it was frivolous e.g. which outfit I do think is sexiest and which does my bestfriend/male bestfriend/boyfriend/mother think is sexiest, but...isn't that fascinating? Aren't women often constantly curious about how they come across to others? And not even in a 'OMG they think that I must change instantly to conform' kind of way, but in a 'huh, that's interesting' kind of way.
Body image at that time was a big thing for me. I'd gained about 20 kilos since I got married, and was in the process of moving it and at the same time trying not to turn into a weight loss obsessive. I didn't want to feel I was weak or bad because I'd eaten too much that day. I hated the view that fat people were worth less, weak, and lazy. I knew that wasn't true of myself and while I wanted to shift the weight I didn't want to get sucked into that mindset. Cosmo was a way to indulge my girly side and its emphasis on clothes and beauty was a motivator (because yes, one of my motivations was to look better and have a wider range of clothes available to me), but it also was aware of the complicated ways women view themselves, and how other people view them and judge. It felt safe.
In her book, Mia is also very frank about her family, which she kept very private while editor. Reading about her pain after her second child died during pregnancy is very moving, as is her empathy with other women and their struggles with fertility and family. Children, like body image, is another area where people are incredibly ready to judge others - too many, too few, too young, too old, too close, too far apart. Everyone has an opinion. And I'd like to thank Mia for this passage, which brought tears to my eyes:
But there are some women, women who always presumed they would be mothers, women who would have been incredible at it but who tragically miss their chance. Damn that biological clock and its inability to always synchronise with the myriad factors required to make a baby. Factors like a stable financial situation. A committed and supportive relationship. Medical problems. A partner who always thought he wanted children but then suddenly wasn't so sure. A partner who desperately wants children but discovers he's infertile. A hundred big and little things that divert you from the course of motherhood before it becomes a dead end and choice is no longer part of the equation. (p. 351)
Not a complete description of my life, but yeah, it strikes a chord.
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